Reflecting on the past decade of my life, as I prepare to turn 31 in a month and a half, and I felt the need to put photos of myself from each year next to each other. In some ways I think my face looks the same, and in other ways it looks totally different. Internally, I changed a lot during these years and it’s interesting to see how that affected me externally.
I’m not exactly sure why I need to do this. But it feels necessary somehow. Who was I then? Who am I now? What changed from 27 to 28, when I lost my mom and also fell in love with Greg? Why is this first adult decade so important? As I go from “young woman” to “regular adult/mom” there’s this desire to look back and remember who I have been so far and how I got here.
Me, ages twenty to thirty:
My sister Phoebe doesn’t take a lot of photos. I don’t think she even has a camera right now. My dad and I are always begging for more pictures of her life, and of her, records of things. I take a ton of photos. I like to record life as I live it, having something to look back on to see who I was and what I was paying attention to in a certain moment. I take pictures every week of my growing belly, of my food, my coffee, my cats, the trees, the people. My life.
Here is a post Phoebe did on her blog in July 2013, only three months after our mom died. Her “ode to the seconds.” I love thinking of life this way– in seconds, which are more manageable than days, or even hours. We’re all only living one second at a time anyway, right? One second, and then the next. Like how film runs through a projector– 24 frames per second, making it look like time passing.
This is a photo Phoebe took of me that July:
In my river, the swimming hole spot by my old apartment, where I used to go almost every day in the summer. I remember this day: Phoebe, our cousins (Craig, Austin, Carson), and me swimming in the river before meeting everyone else for dinner at Coyote Flaco. Our whole family was in town for a memorial art show of our mom’s work. Phoebe would be going back to Chile soon after. It was a really hard summer. But there’s joy on my face here– in that moment being in the cold water which was a relief from the heat, and also the sweet feeling of being held up, and being with my family. I’m glad to have this. To see myself through my sister’s eyes in this moment, on this July day three months after our mom died.
Last night was the reception for my current art show at Images Cinema. It was a great turn-out, and three pieces are sold so far! My wonderful sister Phoebe took these photos. I think they give a good impression of the night, and have kind of liveliness to them.