my love affair with coffee

coffee

It started when I was seven years old. My parents drank Taster’s Choice Instant Coffee back then and kept a green jar of decaf just for me. Lots of milk and sugar. Then when I got older Mama and I would make lattes together, heating the milk and frothing it with a whisk, making Cafe Bustelo espresso on the stove in the Italian espresso pot. Cafes in New York, diners, all my favorite little spots to sit and drink and write and draw. Coffee on trains across the country. Coffee in San Francisco, and New York again. Coffee back at home with  Mama, whisking the milk, sprinkling cinnamon on top. Coffee by myself. For the year between my engagement and marriage I saved all those yellow and red Cafe Bustelo cans and used them as flower vases on the tables at the wedding.

Now Greg makes coffee, setting it up the night before in our new coffee maker so it will be ready at the right time in the morning. He brings me a cup in bed before he leaves for work.

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laptop, cat, and coffee

laptop, cat, and coffee When I’m working at home, the kittens’ favorite spot is on my desk, basking in the light from the window. Today, Ingrid has been right there, sleeping on and off, only getting up to follow me to the kitchen or the bathroom. Galactus is on top of the climbing tower, occasionally jumping down and trotting over to check on me.

As I write this, Ingrid has jumped down, and Galactus waited only a moment to take her place in the exact same sunny spot.

working at home

I love Wednesdays. They’re usually my work-at-home day, when I get to spend the whole day writing, drawing, making things…doing my own work. When I lived in San Francisco for a couple months after college, I lived this kind of life: Wake up, breakfast, go for a walk/explore the city, write, draw comics, dinner, watch a movie. Every day was my own. I wanted to see if I could live this life of a professional writer/artist, and if I would enjoy it. I did.

I enjoy my cinema work, too. It gives me a place to get out of my own head, be part of the movie world that I love, have a role in the community. And I’m so grateful to have a “money job” doing something I truly believe in. But I still yearn for the day that I can support myself and my family using my own work.

I’ve worked very hard to get here, to this point of being able to work part-time at a job I like, and have time to do my art work at home. There have been many “money jobs” in my life that I did not believe in so strongly, jobs I dreaded going to. Many morning on the NYC subway I fantasized about not getting off at the right stop, I’d just keep going, have a different day than going into Midtown offices to work as a temp doing things like data entry, refilling coffee in the break room, filling out someone’s Weight Watchers booklet for them, getting yelled at on the phone, getting hit on by older men with photos of their wives right there on their desks. One day, in one particularly depressing office, a man said to me, “I always wanted to be a fashion designer. Then I got a job here and it was just so easy. So I stayed. It’s been twenty years.”

So here I am, living a lovely life, able to pay my portion of the rent and utilities with the money I get paid working at a non-profit art house cinema. And I have time to write stories, make comics and drawings, and even earn a little money from that. I have health insurance. I get enough to eat. I did this, I got myself here. (Of course with the help and support of people who love me, like my parents, who have helped me when I was barely scraping by, and have always supported me emotionally– I know how lucky I am to have this.)

I also know how lucky I am to have a partner who values my work as much as I do. I know this is rare and special. But I’m also saying that I helped make this happen. It didn’t just fall into my lap. This kind of life is totally possible, but you have to make it happen. I make decisions about what is most important to me. I work every day.

When my mom became an artist (well, she was always an artist, but I mean deciding to live a professional artist life), she and I would have conversations about this often. She in her forties and fifties, me in my twenties, both of us at the beginning of our art careers, figuring out how to live, work, love, and be ourselves in the world. Hanging shows together, giving feedback, going to museums, seeing movies, sitting at the table together drinking coffee and drawing.

working at home

Every day, making coffee in Mama’s espresso pot, doing my work, she’s with me. Even when I forget, even when I don’t know it, she’s there.

paris

I’m getting married. I say this to myself several times a day, feeling the words in my mouth, hearing how they sound in different rooms. I’ve found the person I want to build a life with, and he found me, and big things are beginning. Lots of different types of days.

We got engaged in Paris– a secret trip he’d planned for a long time. It’s a place I’ve always wanted to visit, and it was a dream.

I wish my mom was here– I wish that every moment of every day, but I also wish it specifically for this, because it’s a big thing, and I’m so excited, and it would be so much fun to be excited about this with her.

Here are some drawings I did in Paris (click image to see larger):

And here are a few photos: